A Brush Up on Urinal Etiquette
Bathroom visits for men are a sacred tradition. We like to have the space and time to do what we need to do. T he main thing that separates us from the (usually) fairer sex is the usage of urinals. The urinal is a mighty tool that provides quick easy relief. However, urinal usage is often met with awkward moments and uncomfortable situations. This is why we have Generally Accepted Urinal Etiquette (GAUE). When people do not follow these guidelines, it makes the experience worse for everyone. Lately I have witnessed an unusually high number of GAUE breaches, so I believe it is time to remind everyone of their importance.
1: Do not talk.
Perhaps the most important rule of all, silence helps us move forward through our personal relief session as quickly and as comfortably as possible. If someone standing nearby says something directed at me, chances are that their hands are currently touching their manhood. Were I to reply, the same would be true for me. This is just wrong. Also worth noting is that anyone chatting is not paying attention to their activities, and aim may become an issue.
2 Eyes forward.
Nothing is creepier than the guy with wandering eyes. Unless you would like a broken collarbone, I suggest minding your own business. Never be a pecker peeker.
3 Personal Space.
If at all avoidable, no person should ever occupy a urinal located next to one in use. We men enjoy our space when exercising our right to relief. When entering the bathroom, always take the urinal located as far from anyone else as possible. If none are occupied, take over that which is farthest from you.
The urinal experience is not a race, but it is not a sunday drive either. If a line has formed of others seeking a break, make sure that you don't take too long.
While the talking guy is creepy, the guy who starts to undo his pants while walking toward the urinal is just plain gross. You're in everyone's plain view. We don't want to see that. Also, make sure everything is closed back up before leaving the urinal. If I see you looking at me while zipping up your fly, I just might see this as hostile in some strange way.
6 Hand Washing.
While I realize that you might want to get back out and "partay", it is important to stick to basic hygiene. You have just touched your naughty bits. This means that everything you are about to touch will be tainted by dong. For everyone's sake, wash your hands. The sinks are not just for decoration. And a half-second rinse doesn't cut it.
While there are exceptions to all of these rules (being drunk,) GAUE should be a part of your daily urinal ritual. May your aim be true.